Are you the next American Idol? - No Sucka!!!

So, as many of you have heard, in a very silly moment of my life, I decided to spend my entire Sunday sitting at Invesco stadium, waiting for my American Idol audition.

The morning began promptly at 4:00 am, when I deliriously stumbled out of bed, showered, did my hair and makeup and put on my sparkly green heeled sandals, grabbed my coffee, and headed to the stadium to stand in line for about 2 hours.

I got a little excited as the line started moving, but then realized we were not going inside to sit down, but were being corralled for some publicity shots. In the corral, I ran into a fellow karaoke buddy - Karaoke Matt. We had to shout "Welcome to Denver!" and "Welcome to the Mile High City!" and then cheer over and over and over again. My fellow-auditioners and I started using spirit fingers and jazz hands near the end. So, if you see spirit fingers on TV, it's us. Of course, Karaoke Matt kept flicking off the camera and making monkey sounds, so I'm sure that you won't see our section at all!

After an hour or so of that, we were herded into the stadium. We then had more publicity shots, where we all had to sing "Aint no mountain high enough" and wave our hands in the air. When were all hoarse, we all sat down and the producer wished us good luck and told us not to kill ourselves if we got cut. I made a mental note of this, and decided he was right and I would throw away the the bottle sleeping pills I had stowed in my purse for if I didn't make it.

So, then I sat and waited and waited. I went to go get some concessions after awhile and everywhere I went there was an extremely long line and people singing at the top of their lungs. I reconsidered my sleeping pills.

As I watched the auditions, I realized that almost everyone was being sent home. There were people with such powerful voices, I could hear them across the stadium, and they were on, but even they were sent packing. So, I accepted that this day would also end in my defeat, but I had to go through the total American Idol experience, so I stuck it out.

At long last, they took the last section down to the field for our auditions. I handed them my ticket that I had wanted to keep for memorabilia purposes and the form that I had to sign, saying that Fox now owned my whole being.

Now, one would think that I would have then at least gotten to meet Paula, Simon, and Randy, but nah ah. That's TV American Idol, not behind the scenes, where you go through multiple auditions before even getting the faux-first audition with the celebs.

They marched us down to one of 14 tents and four of us stood shoulder to shoulder in front of 2 or 3 judges. One by one, we stepped forward and sang a song until they cut us off (about 4 lines or so). Then we all returned to our little piece of tape. The judges all looked pretty bored, but when I sang they paid attention and actually smiled, so I felt good about that.

The guy next to me was goofy looking and sang a very strange song, so I thought for sure, he'd be in, but then they had him sing another piece, and he forgot the words - sonofa!

The woman in the middle without much hesitation thanked us for coming, but said we weren't at the American Idol level. Nobody in my group looked too distraught, and I was busy thinking about the nap I was going to take...

So, that's about it. I'm afraid I am not the next American Idol :( If you need me, I'll be at Ogden St. South where people appreciate me, because they're drunk!