The lawnmower [Wo]man

When I was little I saw the Steven King movie "The Lawnmower Man" It was about a guy who was dumb and mowed lawns until these mad computer geniuses converted him into some sort of crazy computer killer. I'm not sure how I saw that movie. I'm sure it wasn't Mom-approved. In fact, I just googled it to make sure I hadn't just made it up.

Anyway, none of this has to do with the story I'm going to tell you all today.

So, I'm house-sitting out in Highlands Ranch for 2 1/2 weeks total, and they have - you guessed it - a lawn. Now, I house-sat for these people last summer and had lawn-mowing duties, but Brian and I had just started dating and he claimed that he "really liked" mowing the lawn, so I just sat on the deck with a delicious drink while he did it.

So, this year I brought up the lawn-mowing with Brian, and he said he'd do it, but as the grass grew higher and higher, there was still no mowing going on. Finally, Brian said that I'd better just do it - sweet!

Now, I don't understand what the problem is. I mowed the lawn at home in Michigan plenty without too much going wrong, so I would think that this would be a relatively simple task, but no.

Here's how it went. I put the dog, Ruby, in the house where she began barking and high-pitched yipping and didn't stop till the fiasco was over. I pulled the lawnmower out of the garage and looked it over. I tried pulling the handle bar thingy and pulling the cord, and this did absolutely nothing. I then decided to start fiddling with everything. The fiddling included putting the blade all the way down. Now, in Michigan, you had to put the blade up and down depending on if you were mowing or not. But, I guess that's just cause it was a riding mower. I tried holding down the handle and pulling the cord again - nothing.

It was at this point, that one of my old harbor experiences popped into my mind. I had been sent by my Crew Chief, Andy Lappan, who I'd grown up with and was the same age as me, to mow the harbor lawn. I fondly think of Andy as my Arch Nemesis. But, anyway, there I was in the same damn situation trying to figure out how to start the damn lawnmower. I think I starred and fiddled with it for 1/2 an hour before Andy came up to "help." "God, girls are so stupid!" he said, "I can cook and sew, why can't you start a lawnmower?"

"I can't cook or sew either," I replied, and in my head said, "but at least I didn't fail out of community college, you A-hole!" After replaying that dialogue, I returned to the present, where I was even more irate at not being able to start the lawnmower and determined to prove Andy Lappan wrong.

Finally, I found the little choke button thingy and pressed that a few times. then I tried holding the handle down and pulling the cord again and eureka, it started. Now, if you think back to my fiddling paragraph, you'll remember that I put the blade all the way down, which I remembered as the dirt started shooting out while the lawnmower cut below even the roots of the grass. Of course, happy I'd started it, I just started pushing along, thinking, "huh, that grass is really short, I don't think I should be seeing so much dirt." I stopped the lawnmower and pulled the blade back up to its original position. Hmm, hope the Rutenbecks don't mind that I turned their front yard into half a baseball diamond - oh well.

I finished the front yard and headed for the backyard while screaming at Ruby to shut up. As I began the backyard, I noticed that a lot of cut grass was being left on the ground. I kicked the grass bag, and sure enough, it was full - probably full of dirt from the front yard. Anyway, there was a little handle on the bag, which I naturally tried pulling, and of course the bag wouldn't come off. The Andy dialogue came flooding back as I kicked the bag some more and called it a Mo-Fo (but didn't actually abbreviate). This cursing and kicking was only interrupted by interludes of screaming at Ruby to shut up! Finally, after fiddling some more, I got the bag off and finished the mowing, all the while muttering and cursing the dog, the lawn, and Andy Lappan under my breath - stupid Andy Lappan.

After recapping this story for Brian, he apologized and said he'd never let me mow a lawn again.

Mountain Trip cont.

All right, sorry for the delay. I needed a few days to wallow in misery over my latest job rejections. All done now. Not that I've found a job or anything, but I've returned to the happy, let-life-run-its-course, Naomi state that you all would rather hear from :)

Now, where were we?

Ah, yes, graduation day. Mom and Dad and I went to campus so that I could give them the tour and introduce them to my co-worker peeps. We went to a DU graduation party where we all had the little sandwiches that I'd ordered from catering. Peggy, my supervisor, doesn't think anyone eats the little sandwiches, but she let me order them anyway after I talked about them for a long time.

Graduation was nice. Brian drove in and I made him sit with my parents instead of Alison and Gro. I don't know if he wanted to or not, I just didn't give him any options. During the ceremony, I forgot that if you leave your name card behind when you go up to get your diploma, they just hand you the mic, and then you can give a few shout-outs before they rip it out of your hand. So, they just read my name, but the guy pronounced my middle name right, so I couldn't complain too much.

After graduation, I met up with my parents and Brian. Brian gave me a flower lei, which was nice. I wished he'd given it to me before though, cause then I could have felt just like LC on Laguna Beach at her high school graduation!

The next day was the BBQ/ Brian's b-day. Nothing hugely hilarious happened that day. When my parents and I were preparing the food, there was a lot of arguing over which store to go to. We ended up at Whole Foods. Mike was very disappointed by my Mom's lack of ferocity. She told him to "watch it" a couple of times, but I think that Mike was refraining from calling me a hooker and/or telling me I have a dirty whorish mouth, so there wasn't much for mom to yell at. Mom and Dad also liked little Delicious, and played with her, and by playing with her, I mean Dad kept grabbing her by the head and throwing her to the ground. But, everything turned out nice. My parents met and liked the Nishi's, and I made my delicious sangria, which Ann and Jeff are fans of. Don't worry guys, I have a whole nother jug of cheap red wine for sangria making with your name on it!

Anywho, Sunday was my parents' last full day here. We started it by going to Halima's (my Somali Bantu Refugee student's) house. When I called to let them know they were coming, it went something like this...

Naomi: Hi, this is Naomi. My Mom and Dad are here and we're going to come visit you.

Halima: Naomi? My Mom and my Dad is coming?

Naomi: Yup, my Mom and my Dad are here and we're coming to visit you.

Halima: ok

We haven't really worked on possessives yet, like mine and yours, so Halima kept referring to both Mom and Dad as "my Dad." Anyway, we had a nice time there. They made us a bunch of food, and Mom leaned over and asked me if they'd be insulted if we didn't eat it all. I said no, it was after all like 10:00 am and we had heaping full plates of rice and some sort of meat in front of us. We also were each given approximately four beverages: fanta, coke, chai, and bottles of water. We stayed for about 2 hours and my Dad tried to help one of the kids set up the printer for the computer. After we'd eaten and drank as much as we could, little Malut woke up, who they told me later was afraid of my Mom. Not sure what she did, but I agree, she can be frightening :). Finally, we said good bye to the kids and Halima, who called, "Goodbye my dad!" as we walked out the door.

We then met up with Brian and drove to Boulder. We walked around the little town area and Mom bought a T-shirt that said "Dyslexics of the World Untie!" Of course, it took me like half an hour before I realized that it said "Untie" instead of "Unite" - probably should have bought myself one. We had dinner at a pasta place and then headed out. For the trip finale, we went to Shannon's (Brian and Alison's little sister's) sing and dance performance. They were great!

The next morning I dropped Mom and Dad off at the airport and then headed to work, exhausted and mopey . It was a lot of fun.

Mountain Trip for the Marshalls

Well, at long last, my parents came, they saw, they quarreled, they left.

My parents arrived around 10:00 am last Wednesday. I, who was worried about getting to the airport too early and having nothing to do, was instead late in picking them up. I'd factored in the time it would take to get luggage, but was foiled as I should have remembered that if my parents can do carry-on, they will, and they did. We stayed pretty close to the itinerary.

Wednesday - we went to the Spicy Pickle for lunch. We then went and dropped off my parents' bags at as Jeff calls it, "my tiny girly apartment." We headed out for CO Springs and Garden of the Gods. I handed my car over to my Dad, since I figured that was easier than having my Mom yell at me as I ran through red lights and such. My Dad was a little confused at the stop light on the on-ramp of the highway. I just told him it was cause people in Denver like to drive like they're in a car race. But, we headed out. It was a nice day at GOG, and I couldn't help but compare it to Ann and Jeff's snowy trip down there.

My Dad kept looking wistfully at Pike's Peak, and making comments about how it would be fun to drive up there, but we could do whatever everyone else wanted to do. Next thing you know Booskie (my car) was chugging up Pike's Peak. I froze my ass off at the top, and my Mom almost passed out from lack of oxygen, but we made it. On the mandatory brake check on the way down, the ranger told us that our brakes were way too hot and to let them cool off for 1/2 hour. Five minutes later Dad decided he just wouldn't use the brakes anymore, and we continued careening down the mountain. It kept raining on and off that afternoon, and Mom, who was sitting behind my Dad, kept yelling every time she got pelted with rain coming in through his window. Of course, upon her screaming, Dad would roll his window down the rest of the way. My Mom would then scream more and throw punches into the back of Dad's seat. I threatened to separate them, and they calmed down.

We got back to Denver and met Brian for Burger/beer night at the Bull and Bush. My Mom behaved herself, and Brian managed to not seem too nervous for their first meeting.

Those of you who are Alison's blog readers already know that since my parents decided to stay with me in my room, I slept with Alison, and as she is still in break up recovery mode, having me in her bed instead of Tim made her cry. But, she must have cried pretty quietly cause I slept right through it! My Mom complained about how hot my room was and that they should have stayed in a hotel (which is of course what I predicted). My Dad rewired my whole room with fans strategically placed for ultimate circulation - brilliant!

Next morning was Estes Park day. We cruised up through Loveland at about 60 on a 75mph road. I think my Dad was trying to let Booskie rest up before her next mountain expedition. The park was nice. We saw elk and some moosen (including a baby) in the woodesen.

My Dad had climbed Long's peak after high school, and explained the proper Long's peak climbing techniques - go early in the morning to avoid thunder storms, and go around the diamond face and up the back. He looked at all of the hiking books on Long's peak in every gift shop. Mom almost bought an Indian flute at a gift shop in Estes, but then decided she'd get an Irish flute in Canada instead. We finally got back to Denver and went for Mexican with Brian and Alison.

Okay, I'm running out of steam, I'll explaaaiin the trip more later. - Naomi

Deep Reflection During Director's Speech

Well, I think I sent this picture to most of the people who look at my blogsite, but thought I'd put it up in case I missed someone... This picture was sent out to all of my co-workers and professors, so I'm especially proud of it!



In a sad attempt to explain this picture, I'd like to say that this was a farewell party for the Director of the School of Communication. One of the speakers started tearing up, so I believe that this is my sad/empathetic/trying to see around someone's huuugee heeead look.

Why didn't anyone tell me I look like a moron when I'm empathizing! - sonofa!